Bill - Car Boot Sale/ John Parr

Oddly despairing Steve Wright sponsored novelty single on the pointlessness of car boot consumerism

Label: Mercury

Year of Release: 1993

"Listen to Steve Wright In The Afternoon. Viewed from a certain angle the man is a genius. Find that angle and view. He is the most popular DJ in the country. He has been the heartbeat of the British psyche since 1985. You don't even have to like him to be awed by him. This... is not an attempt at obvious irony, it is for real."
Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty - "The Manual - How to Have a Number One the Easy Way"

Over the years, the above paragraph from the KLF's guide to making number one hits has troubled me. Once they've mentioned Steve Wright in relation to their summer smash "Doctorin' The Tardis", some parallels become very clear - Wrighty even used comedy dalek voices on his show, though noticeably after Drummond and Cauty used them first (and after Victor Lewis Smith, for that matter).

One person who has suggested that Steve Wright might actually be more of a subversive than you'd expect is Richard Easter, his radio sidekick for many years, who was responsible for a vast number of the comedy characters and musical sketches which littered his Radio One show. Easter's work-rate was actually phenomenal. Whereas most comedy writers will tend to focus their efforts on material for a couple of radio or television series a year, he rapidly contributed a lot of work to Wright's radio show five days a week, continually bearing the broad Radio One audience in mind. As such, it's not surprising that characters like Dr. Fish Filliter or Arnie Terminator's angry consumer complaints aren't necessarily award-winning or groundbreaking material, but all were short, sharp, absurd, almost always utterly silly and occasionally unexpectedly close to the (fish) bone. As comedic contributions to a mainstream radio show go, they were far more successful than most attempts at the time, and helped to keep Wright's ratings buoyant and people like me listening.

Easter was also a keen writer of catchy novelty ditties, which saw him score a bona-fide major hit through Epic Records with Arnee and the Terminators "I'll Be Back" (penned in two hours and apparently never intended for commercial release, though it seems to have inadvertently invented the sound of Scooter). Doubtless other major labels were keen to capture the lightning success of that unlikely hit, and Mercury obviously felt his satirical melodic musings on the tedium of car boot sales - repeated at extremely regular intervals throughout Steve Wright's show - would be the next top ten smash in line.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 74 - Mr Food - And That's Before Me Tea!

Who: Mr. Food
What: "...and that's before me tea!"
Label: Tangible
When: 1990
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

It's been over three months since the last "Second Hand Record Dip" entry, such a long gap in the service that I feel almost obliged to remind you all of what the hell the concept actually is. Essentially, it involves a dig into the remaindered section you find in the second hand record store, the unloved vinyl that gets tossed into the plastic crates on the floor near the back (or, in particularly uncared for cases, on the pavement outside) for the passing cheapskate to contemplate whilst on their bended knees praying for budget miracles. I've had some fantastic finds in the 50p box before now, but SHRD doesn't focus on the gems but the oddities - the flotsam and jetsam that may have stayed there forever had not somebody with a blog to write passed by.

Ex-BBC Radio One DJ Steve Wright has already cropped up in this section of the blog, and it's frankly no surprise to find him getting mentioned again. In the great musical box of fireworks, Wrighty has always been responsible for the fast-burning ones which do little more than make a few farting noises, mostly to the amusement of the assembled children and grandparents. Even his hit and near-hit singles remain largely forgotten by the General Public and are certainly no longer commercially available. Like slumber parties and roller discos, his melodic output does not appeal once you reach adulthood (One possible exception might be his effort under the name of Arnee and the Terminaters, whose single managed to prophesise the career of Scooter, so now is amusing for reasons entirely separate to the ones he originally intended).

So then, I'd stopped listening to Steve Wright's show by the time the jingle this single was based on begun to air on his show, having developed what I thought was a more grown-up interest in moodily listening to indie bands, and have no idea what the hell the context of it was - although context meant very little to our Steve, so it's safe to say this was probably played endlessly for the hell of it. It consists of a Geordie character known only as Mr Food delivering a Pam Ayers-esque series of lyrics about how much he enjoys eating over a basic, jaunty piano backdrop. And that really is it. The title of the single itself is the punchline to the joke, so that's out of the bag before the needle even hits the groove. It's the kind of thing you hear at open mic nights up and down the country when a musical comedy act takes the stage after being encouraged by their well-meaning friends, delivers a ditty to polite laughter, then promptly naffs off never to be seen again. With Wrighty's help, however, this managed a staggering number 62 position in the charts, hardly a life-changing triumph for anyone concerned, but certainly more than most indie-distributed discs of the era could hope for.

This record probably wouldn't be worthy of further mention were it not for the fact that the gentleman behind the mask of Mr Food, David Sanderson, went on to craft several pastoral neo-psychedelic pop songs under the name of Flowerbed, and his efforts can be found here. When he wasn't titting around with Steve Wright and The Afternoon Boys, clearly he was taking the time to study his Lilac Time and XTC albums closely. Sanderson is also a contemporary classical music composer who has had his work performed at several major concert halls in Britain and abroad, and if you honestly expected this entry to end in such a manner, you're far more wised up than I was when I began to research the man behind the disguise. Sometimes even these ridiculous chance finds can lead to interesting places.

For those of you wondering what was on the flip side to this, by the way - because I know at least one person will be - it appears to be exactly the same song all over again in the guise of a "remix". A mis-press or satire? You be the judge. And while you're sitting thinking about that, there's a low quality copy of the promo video to watch over on YouTube.

One Hit Wonders #11 - Steve Wright - I'm Alright

Label: RCA

Year of Release: 1982

Steve Wright has already been covered once on this blog.  It's fair to say he issued a rather ambitious array of singles, all designed for mass appeal, all falling way short of the mark.  In reality, only this one - his debut - entered the "Top of the Pops" regions of the charts, and even then at a rather anaemic number 40.  One rung lower and we wouldn't even be bothering to call him a one hit wonder.

How "I'm Alright" succeeded where "Mr Angry" and "Get Some Therapy" failed is fairly easy to see - there's a jaunty tune going on here which more or less apes Chas and Dave's "Sideboard Song".  Cocker-nee knees up styled ditties were modest sales news for a brief period of the early eighties, and for once Wrighty found himself on the right side of present trends - although the less we talk about his non-fashionable style on the sleeve of this record the better.  Is it me, or is sporting something dangerously close to an Alan Partridge tie and badge blazer combination set?

Any readers of a certain age or nationality who don't understand the whole "I'm Alright, You Alright" reference probably didn't hear the catchphrase blaring out of their radios.  Put simply, a jingle featuring various geezerish sounding men asking "I'm alright, you alright?"/ "Yeah, I'm alright, you alright?" used to be be played with alarming frequency, looping on and on for seemingly as long as Steve got bored with it - and Wrighty had a very high boredom threshold indeed.  The catchphrase apparently originated when he overheard two punks saying it to each other whilst sat on a public bench somewhere in London, so essentially the entire thing is the creation of two mohawked men pissed up on Special Brew, and not his own sober work.  If they'd known the mass appeal their blurtings had, chances are they'd have topped themselves.  

The B-side focusses on the topic of a social worker called Damien, and for all I know it may have been cutting-edge satire in 1982 (somehow I doubt it, however).  The observations about a politically correct, new age gimp who talks about 'solar powered Christmas tree lights' are way beneath the abilities of even Richard Littlejohn these days, and one has to wonder why Steve didn't surround himself with fewer sycophants, and some more people willing to shove a sock in his gob on occasion.  But at the risk of sounding too much like Mr Angry, I will close this blog entry on that thought...

Second Hand Record Dip Part 8 - Mr Angry with Steve Wright

Who: Steve Wright/ Mr Angry (With Grandmaster Maggott)
What: I'm So Angry
Where: Music and Video Exchange, Camden High Street
Label: MCA
Year of Release: 1985
Cost: 50p

"Listen to Steve Wright In The Afternoon. Viewed from a certain angle the man is a genius. Find that angle and view. He is the most popular DJ in the country. He has been the heartbeat of the British psyche since 1985. You don't even have to like him to be awed by him. This... is not an attempt at obvious irony, it is for real."
Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty - "The Manual - How to Have a Number One the Easy Way"

I really don't want this blog entry to turn into a giant dig at Steve Wright. Whether we like it or not, there is a certain degree of truth in Bill Drummond's claim that the man has a flair for broadcasting, and at one point had the nation completely under his spell. Whilst much of Wright's show seldom stood up to close comedy scrutiny (unlike Kenny Everett's), as a piece of background noise during drivetime or the early morning, it was frequently immaculately woven, with endless skits based upon rather peculiar English characters which were always familiar enough to be at least vaguely amusing. It also pioneered the zoo radio format without collapsing into self-indulgent chaos - it should never be forgotten that Chris Evans, the alleged "genius" of this format who could have learnt from Steve's lead, frequently waffled on about subjects of interest to absolutely no-one with his buddies for upwards of fifteen minutes without playing a record. Steve may not have played the best tunes, but he always seemed in control and aware of his audience at breakfast time. He knew how to pace his show. Evans frequently seemed like an arrogant sod waffling and winging it.

Now that I've stated my position, which I have no doubt will cause me to be mocked off the Internet, let me cruise in with the big "but". And here it is... Steve Wright blotted his copy book by making bad records, which Chris Evans was sensible enough never to try. In the eighties it seemed sickeningly inevitable that if you were famous in Britain, some record company executive would express an interest in releasing a novelty record with your vocals on it. If you were sussed enough, you knew that this wasn't your dayjob, and you left well alone. If you were Steve Wright, on the other hand, you presumably said "Well friend, I reckon we'll get a chuckle out of that at least. Hey, let's go for it! Catch ya later in the recording studio, bye!"

Very few of Steve's efforts on vinyl raise a smile, but "I'm So Angry" is breathtaking in its capacity to irritate. I always found his Mr Angry character interesting as a very recognisable little Englander, and when I worked in a call centre years later demented Home Counties customers were still referred to as "Mr Angries" by the management. The musical tribute, however, wobbles all over the road uncontrollably in search of a satisfactory hook, drowns in obsessive repetition of catchphrases, and has Steve Wright clearly almost struggling not to laugh in places at how damn hilarious the whole thing is. It's like the sound of a bunch of grown men with stupid voices tooling around to the tune from a whacky local radio advert.

Unsurprisingly, then, it failed to set the charts alight, but its B side the "Angry Rap" (which seemingly fails to feature Steve Wright and is credited to Mr Angry with Grandmaster Maggot - presumably not Maggot out of Goldie Lookin' Chain) is at least bearable, with a couple of halfway funny jokes. Then again, the B side doesn't throttle you screaming "I'm whacky! Laugh at me, laugh at me, please!" like its Alpha cousin.

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